


Written in the Stars

by queeertrek



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek - Various Authors, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Canon Rewrite, Feel-good, Good Gabriel Lorca | Mirror Gabriel Lorca, M/M, Science Fiction, Star Trek References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:08:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queeertrek/pseuds/queeertrek
Summary: Captain Gabriel Lorca was lost in 'Elsewhere' and rescued by chance. After a significant amount of rehabilitation and away from the captain's chair, he's cleared for duty and assigned to Discovery. The first person he meets is kind; he's also tall, dark, and incredibly handsome. And his name is Ash Tyler.***This is a canon-divergent fanfic. It takes inspiration from the Star Trek novel Drastic Measures by Daton Ward, the CBS series Star Trek Discovery, and the in-depth canon between Gabriel and Ash that was developed between myself and my close friend, Robin. I don't claim to own the characters from Discovery or any aspects of the Star Trek universe. The character portrayals, however, are co-owned by myself and Robin... I'd appreciate if they weren't copied/ taken and presented as your own.
Relationships: Katrina Cornwell & Original Gabriel Lorca, Original Universe Gabriel Lorca & Original Ash Tyler, Original Universe Gabriel Lorca/ Original Ash Tyler, Tylorca - Relationship
Kudos: 10





	1. Prologue 1

Starfleet Medical: Psychiatric Residential Treatment Program

Starbase L-88

* * *

“So, How are you feeling?”

The question hung in the air, feeling heavy and uncomfortable as it’s speaker waited for a response. Gabriel was never particularly good with feelings. They almost always felt intrusive and unwanted. Feelings got in the way of getting things done; the short term effect of them was bad enough. The effects in the long term were worse. 

“Better, considering.”

“You know, I was looking for a little more than just ‘better’, Captain.”

A sharp exhale was his only immediate reply, a nonverbal way to express how much he didn’t enjoy evaluations. While Doctor Zahra had been patient and kind, Gabriel found himself becoming impatient. He wanted freedom. Starfleet Psychiatric was two steps away from being homey. It was easy to see that someone tried to make the buildings comfortable but also safe for unstable minds.

“I’m feeling more like myself than I did when I got here.”

“I’m glad to hear that. How’s your sleep?”

Gabriel's frustrated exhale didn’t do enough to communicate discomfort, or annoyance. 

“It’s fine. I never slept much before. Not sleeping much now doesn’t bother me.”

Doctor Zahra’s brow furrowed -- the Trill had gotten to know the captain pretty well while he was in her care. In fact, Gabriel's progress was impressive. He had gone from shell-shocked to conversational in a short time. Doctor Zahra understood that there was more to things than Gabriel was sharing. Insight from her training as well as her symbiont made that clear. To sign off on the captain's discharge, he needed to convince her that he was mentally able to handle the stress of returning to his ship. 

“You don’t have to put your shields up while you’re in here, I _know_ you know that. I was hoping you had grown to trust me over the past few months, at least a little bit.”

“I don’t like doctors, especially ones that specialize in picking apart brains.”

It was Zahra’s turn to sigh after that. She moved the data padd from her knee to her desk, focusing on Gabriel alone.

“Let me get out my operating table and _skull-splitter_ to get to that brain of yours, then. Enough of the talking.”

Gabriel did appreciate the doctor’s sarcasm; it was the sharpness of her wit that kept Gabriel interested in his therapy. Being vulnerable made the captain’s stomach turn and twist into knots, and it was unshakable. Having someone's humor compete with his was what kept him engaged, even when Zahra made him roll his eyes.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, but your melodrama makes sassing easy. It sometimes even makes you **smile** , like right then. I consider that a success.”

“And for the record: I trust you more than anyone else in this place.”

Doctor Zahra paused, her gaze lingering on Gabriel for a moment -- there was so much _feeling_ bubbling just below the surface, she could see it. The doctor had to wonder how much it hurt for Gabriel to keep it all inside. During his stay, the captain had made significant improvements; he spoke up in groups, gave feedback to others, and shared some of the memories that haunted him. It may have been enough to satiate the other counselors providing therapy, but Zahra wanted to see more. She wanted to see the captain look less _haunted_. 

“I’m not the best at the long con, let's cut to the chase; we both know why we’re here today. You’ve shown a _lot_ of improvement, Gabriel; you’ve put in the work and it shows. The medical director has cleared you for immediate return to active duty, if that’s what you want to do.”

“It is”, he replied, barely letting Zahra finish the sentence.

“I know. I want to make sure you’ll be okay out there.”

“I will be. Y’all have helped me quite a bit. I appreciate it.”

“I’m not so sure.” She paused, letting the statement settle. 

“Will you survive? Definitely, I have no doubt. I’m more concerned if you’ll thrive, and what your quality of life will be like. There’s a lot you haven’t worked through yet and we both know it.”

Gabriel did his best to mask his concern, brows creasing as his arms crossed over his chest.

“But I can’t, nor do I want to, hold you here any longer” she continued, expression softening. “I know you’re the type who feels more settled on a ship, and being away from here will do you good.”

There was surprise in Gabriel’s features, particularly in how his brows disappeared under his hair. The captain had assumed he would have to stay longer; but he was being discharged. Allowed to go back to a ship and have purpose again. **Freedom**. That got the corners of his lips to perk upward into a smile, one that lingered. The expression brought a certain amount of relief to the doctor sitting across from him.

“Can you promise me one thing, Gabriel?”

“Sure.”

“If you need to get any of those thoughts out, talk to someone.” Doctor Zahra turned to her desk, taking a bright blue isolinear chip and handing it to Gabriel. 

“This will get you an encrypted channel to my personal, confidential comm. You’re slow to trust, and I want you to have someone to talk to when the time comes. It might not be now, but that time will be coming. I’ll still be here, even when you can’t make it to the office.”

Gabriel held the chip between his fingers, staring at it for a moment before looking back to the doctor. The gesture made his stomach churn, not in a means of disgust or discomfort, but of shock. Gabriel knew that he must have been a terror to work with but he was still shown compassion and kindness. This small gift warranted its own smile, one that felt more genuine.

“Thank you, doc. I, um. Uh --” _awkward_. “-- I appreciate it. Really.”

The smile alone was all the thanks Zahra needed, but hearing it never hurt. She reached out to place a hand on top of Gabriel’s giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“You’re welcome.”

He looked down at the joined hands, brows lowering as relaxation traveled through him. At that moment, Gabriel's guard was down and it felt okay. It only lasted about thirty seconds, but the impact was significant. Zahra withdrew her hand and rose to her feet, Gabriel close behind her. 

“ _Discovery_ sent a shuttle -- it should be here in about a day and a half. The pilot said he’s looking at an oh-twelve-hundred arrival time, give or take.”

“Do you have the pilot’s name, by any chance?

“I do -- Lieutenant Ash Tyler, of the USS _Discovery_.”


	2. Prologue 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's more set up. But it's fun set up. Ash Tyler is cute and we love and respect him in this house.

USS _Discovery_   
Captain's Ready room.

* * *

Admiral Cornwell paced around the ready room, walking right through the holo-projection of Dr. Zahra. The two had met before, but had grown closer since the true Captain Lorca returned from ‘Elsewhere’. The true location of Lorca’s imprisonment was still classified.

“I met with Captain Lorca today, and he’s cleared for duty. I didn’t feel the need to keep him here any longer. He’s met his treatment goals and seems well adjusted, considering.”

“He isn’t the most open to therapy. I assume he put up a bit of a fight.”

“I wouldn’t consider it a fight, but he has a hell of a lot of walls up. I did my best to chip away at them. He's incredibly guarded... you weren't kidding."

“We’ve worked together for over a decade, I know Lorca pretty well. He's always been guarded." A sinking feeling grew in her stomach, memories of them together surfacing all at once. It was a futile effort to shove them away, but she tried. 

“Are you sure he’s ready, Jocasta?”

“Yes and no, if I’m honest. For any other patient, I’d say they needed to stay. But Gabriel doesn’t do well in this sort of environment -- it’s too enclosed. He feels trapped. There won’t be any progress made when he’s always looking for a means of escape. He doesn’t even notice he’s doing it. The work he needs to do needs to happen away from here, where he’ll feel safer. And you know where that is.”

“On a starship. Most captains feel that way.”

“And most admirals.”

“...some admirals.”

“Fair enough.”

Katrina stopped pacing. She stood head to head with the holo-projection of the doctor. The harsh light made her concern appear even more severe. It didn't go unnoticed.

“You don’t think he’s ready to get back in the chair, do you, Katrina?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll have a better idea when I see him in person.” The admiral sighed, hands traveling from her hips so her arms could cross over her chest. 

“I can’t say I’m not skeptical, Jocasta. Anyone who’s been a prisoner of war, who’s been through god knows what --”

“I know” the doctor’s voice was calm, albeit insistent.

“Getting out of here is going to be good for him. If the captain needs more support, he has a way to get in contact with me. I actually believe he’ll use it. We need to give him a chance.”

The admiral was stoic, but with a long sigh she began to nod her head in agreement. It made sense and Katrina knew it did; knowing this was Gabriel made it different. It made the decision making harder. Lorca came off as gruff and otherwise unpleasant to be around. Once you got to know him, it was easy to see through to someone who was much more emotional and real. It made Katrina’s stomach ache to think about losing that softer, kinder person on the inside. 

“I understand. Lieutenant Tyler left earlier today, and seems to be on schedule. I’ll remind him of the sensitive nature --”

“Ash Tyler?”

“... yes.”

“I know him. And I know you picked him for a reason. That was a smart call.”

“If anyone was going to make Gabriel feel safe, it’ll be him. Being a security chief is a bonus.” 

There was a shared moment of calm, as if they both knew that this would be okay, if only for a moment. There was a chirp from the admiral’s console, and she looked from the blinking light back to Zahra. 

“That’s Tyler -- thank you for getting in touch with me, Jocasta. Keep me informed.”

“No problem, Katrina. Zahra out.”

Katrina walked to be behind the standing desk -- something she despised -- and activated the channel. Lieutenant Tyler’s familiar brown eyes appeared on screen at almost exactly on the same level as her own. 

“Lieutenant, I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

“I didn’t expect to reach out so _soon_ , sir. I’m still on schedule to get the captain. I changed course to avoid a pair of Tholian scout ships. They didn’t spot the ship, but it meant a course correction. I wanted to give Discovery a heads up, since the scouts were heading in your direction.”

“I’m glad you weren’t spotted -- two against one with Tholians isn’t ideal. That being said, you could have sent this over subspace.”

“That’s true, but it’s been over a day since I’ve seen another humanoid... this seemed like as good a reason as any to comm over subspace.”

That got the admiral to smile, knowing the feeling of isolation that can creep in on any shuttle mission. Especially when you’re going alone. 

“Fair enough. I was going to reach out today anyway.”

Katrina realized that this wasn’t a conversation best had on the fly, and she should have said she would comm back. Good going there, admiral. 

“I know the mission briefing was informative, but it was bare bones. I wanted to provide more information.” 

Tyler looked confused, squinting for a moment. Katrina could hear the sounds of his console being set to autopilot before he responded. 

“Okay, sir.”

Katrina cleared her throat, the knot in her stomach growing tighter. The memory of Gabriel’s softness returned, as did the sinking sensation at the worry of it being gone. 

“There are several rumors going around Discovery regarding Captain Lorca... I want to clarify. The captain was recently recovered from POW camp in a restricted area of space. He's cleared for duty, but he may not be at one hundred percent. In fact, I he may be uneasy around you and not trusting--”

“Sir, with all due respect, this is a standard transport mission.” Ash’s tone was respectful, but insistent. Ash exhibited confidence, so much so that the admiral wasn’t bothered by the interruption.

“Captain’s Lorca’s mental health is a valid concern. It doesn’t seem appropriate to make it the end-all be-all of this mission.”

Ash paused considering his words for deciding it was best to continue.

“I would even wager it’s why you assigned me in the first place, sir, instead of Ensign Detmer. Captain Lorca can relate to me. He might not like me, but he’ll feel more at ease with someone who understands... it doesn’t hurt that I know where the best vending machines are on Medical’s campus, either."

The wave of relief was palpable, and Katrina’s shoulders fell slack -- she hadn’t even noticed how tense they had been. She smiled, arms braced against the sides of the table so she could lean in toward the screen. 

“I should have learned to not underestimate you by now.”

Ash smirked a bit in return. “Maybe, sir.”

“You’re ahead of the game, Lieutenant Tyler. I appreciate your insight. Let me know when you arrive at Medical.”

“Aye, sir.”

“And lieutenant --”

“Yes sir?”

“Good work.”

“Thank you, Admiral. Tyler out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The meet cute is next! I promise!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meet cute has arrived! Gabriel and Ash finally meet, Ash makes a good first impression, and Gabriel tries to not be awkward (with minimal success).

Starfleet Medical: Psychiatric Residential Treatment Program

Starbase L-88

The Atria

* * *

There was something eerie about coming back to Starbase L-88. Ash wasn’t able to shake the feeling away despite wanting nothing more than to feel at ease. He wasn’t here as a patient, but the feeling of being monitored was still ever-present. Walking up to the check-in desk felt strange, lessened only by the familiar face of a smiling Bolian at the desk. Ash knocked on the window, a small smile filling his features.

“Hey Yara.”

“Ash? Ash -- hey! Definitely not who I thought I’d run into today. It’s great to see you -- you’re looking good!” 

Ash knew that the sentiment was said in a you-look-like-you’re-not-starving-and-traumatized sort of way, but there was a twinge of discomfort from the compliment regardless. There was life in him again, sure, but it was accented by dark circles that came with sleepless nights. 

“You’re too kind. I’m looking for Captain Lorca -- I’ve been assigned for transport.”

“No problem, I’ll let him know you’ve arrived. Here --” she handed Ash a temporary badge with VISITOR spelled out in clear, bright text. It pinned to his uniform, fitting right next to his insignia without blocking it from view.

“He’ll be in the Atria, most likely the only one in a blue uniform. Do you know the way?”

Ash nodded, already looking toward the turbolifts. “I do -- thank you” he assured, offering Yara a wave before catching a lift as the doors closed. 

“Atria, promenade deck” he commanded, barely feeling the movement as the turbolift went up several decks. 

The lieutenant had done his research before arriving and knew what the captain used to look like; there was no promise that he would look the same . One thing that Ash had found most striking was the man’s eyes. The mixture of blue and grey was bright and unique. It was a small detail, but Ash hoped it would help the captain stand out. 

A quiet whisper was the only sign that the turbolift had arrived at the correct floor. Ash stepped out, straightening his uniform tunic as he scanned the area ahead of him. The Atria was filled with trees and other plans from dozens of worlds, making the space feel alive. Taking a deep breath in, Ash could smell the familiar earthiness. If he closed his eyes, he could almost believe he was back home in Seattle. The only difference was that when he looked to where the sky would be, there were windows revealing the depths of space. 

Ash returned his gaze to the people around him -- dozens of nurses, doctors, patients, all with somewhere to be. It wasn’t a strain on his memory to recall the picture of Captain Lorca from the ship’s computer. It was more difficult to scan the dozens of faces as they passed by and be sure he wasn’t missing him. 

_This would be a lot easier if I could climb that tree_ he thought to himself, glancing at the oak tree bedside him. It was twice the size of an oak tree he’d ever seen, making him feel incredibly small. Ash continued into the crowd, sighing to himself as Captain Lorca was nowhere to be found. This place wasn’t that big, but it was filled with enough things that it was easy to hide.

Ash was on his third lap when he found the captain leaning against a tree trunk with bark the color of a tangerine. The leaves were the same shade of orange, and it made the artificial sunlight appear warmer on the captain’s face. 

“Captain Lorca?”

Gabriel looked up from his data padd, his immediate gaze landing somewhere on the stranger’s torso. His eyes traveled upward to find an insignia badge, followed by two of the kindest eyes he’d ever seen. 

“Lieutenant Tyler, I assume.”

“Yes sir. I hear you’re clear to leave.”

“Thank  _ god _ .”

The lieutenant smiled in agreement. “I know the feeling, sir. Here, let me.” 

Before the captain could object, his duffle bag was on Ash’s shoulder. It appeared even smaller next to someone of the lieutenant’s height. Gabriel nodded thanks, following the other in-stride toward the exit. 

“If you don’t mind, there’s one place I need to check before we leave” Ash asked, waiting for the captain’s nod of approval before taking a sharp left turn. Gabriel was curious; what type of place would be important enough to visit? Needless to say, a vending machine wasn’t exactly what he had expected. 

Ash, however, wore a large grin as the glowing front of the machine brightened his features. “This machine has the best mint tea -- I thought it would be nice to have one for the ride back. Want one, sir?”

“Uh -- yeah, sure. I didn’t know this was back here.”

Ash purchased the tea, doing so more by muscle memory and less by actually looking at any of the buttons. 

“When I was here, it helped to have private time in a place that felt like home. Plus, I never had to leave to get a drink.” Ash paused, smirking just for a moment. “I’m going to confuse Admiral Cornwell when we get back. Hopefully she gets the joke.”

Gabriel took the bottle of tea when it was offered, enjoying how cool it was against his hands. He undid the screw top and took a sip, eyes widening at just how strong the flavor was -- and it was good. The lieutenant saw the reaction and smirked, if only for a moment. 

“If nothing else, at least being here brought you closer to this” Gabriel commented, gesturing with the hand holding the tea bottle. The tension in his back lessened. Gabriel found himself less and less worried as they walked by the front desk and to shuttle bay B. 

Ash returned his visitor pass, giving them both an opportunity to say goodbye to Yara. The blast doors opened to reveal the large hangar, which was uncharacteristically empty. Gabriel’s hand slipped into his pocket, thumbing the isolinear chip from Doctor Zahra. There was also one other item in his pocket. His only true personal item, and it never ceased to help him find peace.

It was a small piece of paper, wrinkled and creased beyond recognition. The ink on one side had somehow survived bending, folding, and twisting over the years. The message on it was ever-present in his mind. He repeated them to himself while he secured his belongings and prepared for egress. 

> _ Hate is never conquered by hate. Hate is conquered by love. _

Gabriel wondered if that phrase still had any significance to him, considering where he found himself at this point in his life. He had always assumed love meant a person -- someone to be with and cherish and feel whole with. Now, however, Gabriel thought love might be related to his work… since that was all he had. 

Secretly? He hoped for the former. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash and Gabriel get to be cute, and Gabriel gets the inkling that he might have some feels. He just doesn't know it yet.

Shuttlecraft 

* * *

The first few hours were… awkward. Gabriel hadn’t been around anyone other than a doctor or a patient for the better part of three months. Before that, Gabriel had been around aliens with the intent to cause him harm, none of whom he would consider good conversationalists. 

After so long, Gabriel wasn’t confident that he knew _how_ to have a casual conversation. The lieutenant didn’t seem to mind or note on his lackluster social skills. The course was executed for their return trip and so far, nothing had gotten in their way. Ash glanced over his shoulder a few times an hour, trying to be subtle. _Making sure I’m still here_ , Gabriel assumed to himself. 

The captain was able to focus for a short while on the reports Admiral Cornwell provided him. He was under the assumption that the report was a few pages, ten at best. The first ten pages were the _introductions_. It turned into several dozen headings and subheadings, reading more like a textbook than a ship's status update. _No, no thank you_ he said to himself, shaking his head. Gabriel didn't get more than half way through before turning around and tossing the padd. It cut through the air like a frisbee, landing somewhere near his duffle bag at the rear of the shuttle.

It made a sharp clunk, followed by a bit of skidding against the deck plating. The lieutenant looked behind him; concern morphed into confusion.

“Admiral Cornwell wrote a novel” he explained, leaning back in his chair. “I appreciate her effort, but it’s excessive.” Gabriel looked out of the front window, feeling a certain sense of comfort from the familiar view of stars whizzing by. Being in space brought about a sense of wonder, and the captain was pleased to feel the familiar sensation sparked into existence deep in his chest. Especially after not feeling the sensation for so long.

It was nice to feel like **himself** , if only for a moment. 

“The admiral has been busy. If I had to guess, the brass have been on her to make sure everything is done right, sir... whatever ‘right’ is. It seems like no one can agree on a definition."

As much as Gabriel wanted to establish some normalcy, he knew the other was right. He had to imagine that the majority of Starfleet had wanted him planetside; if some had their way, he'd be stationed there permanently.

“I have a feeling Admiral Cornwell is the person to thank for my assignment on a starship at all.”

“She did have a big part in it, sir.” Ash paused, considering what he wanted to say before deciding to say it. 

“With all due respect to the admiral, I don’t think I’ve heard anyone yell at fellow officers as loud as she did. Admiral Cornwell didn’t seem to stop until she heard the answer she wanted… the ready room walls must be pretty thin.”

Gabriel couldn’t help but chuckle at the mental image that formed in his mind. That sounded like the Katrina he remembered.

“Yeah, that's about right” he mused. “I’ve served with the admiral several times. When she knows she’s right, she doesn't let up until the other person agrees. I’d say it’s a bad trait, but it’s one of the several things we have in common.”

“Standing up for what you believe in might be most important traits you can have, sir. Especially in Starfleet. If you don’t stand up for anything… what’s the point in being here?”

Well **shit**. Gabriel did not expect a morality conversation on this journey home. What he did appreciate was someone so young getting the _point_ so soon. The captain wasn’t going to admit it out loud, but he liked this lieutenant. Ash spoke his mind in a respectful way, and with the confidence that he wouldn’t be deterred if his opinion was disagreed with. 

“You’ll make it far in Starfleet with that moral center of yours. Don’t forget that the galaxy's made of shades of grey.” _It doesn’t get easier._

Ash wasn't sure what to do with that information, but he nodded in understanding. With the statement acknowledged, it appeared to be his cue to return his gaze to his flight controls. Soft beeps and chimes filling the silence between ambient engine noise. After a moment of thought, Gabriel willed himself to get up and find the padd he’d tossed. He didn't want to make good use of his time, but he knew he needed to. It felt good to stretch his legs, so he paced the length of the shuttle a few times. Even in the small space, moving felt better than standing still. 

The mechanical noises were otherwise accompanied by silence for some time. Neither officer could determine if the other was okay with the silence, but they honored it. Gabriel leaned against the nearest bulkhead, eyes scanning the padd's table of contents. Each section was more mind-numbing than the last. The classified information, meaning the important information, has to wait he mused, frustrated. 

Ash peeked behind him, hoping to will away the nervousness that crept up his neck from having someone lurking behind him. The captain was quiet, enough so that Ash almost forgot he was there. _You saw him walk back there, you know who he is. He won’t hurt you._ Ash could repeat those thoughts to himself as many times as he wanted, but it didn’t make him feel any better. 

“Do you listen to music, sir?”

“Hm? Sorry?”

“Music. Do you like music? I was going to turn something on, if you're okay with that.”

“Sure.”

The answer made one corner of Ash’s mouth quirk upward. 

“Computer -- play [Aashiq, by PBN, featuring Miss Pooja](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oe_vBsDbYeY).”

“Acknowledged. Retrieving requested files.”

It took a moment for the computer to respond. Rich sound filled the confines of the shuttle, drums and singing making the space feel alive. Almost immediately, the toe of Ash’s boot was tapping the deck. Ash had to stop himself from swaying in his seat, enjoying himself. 

Gabriel didn’t recognize the song, but remembered hearing songs like this on Earth. Despite not being able to understand the language , the captain was intrigued. His heel was bouncing to the beat without him even noticing. Gabriel didn't want to interrupt, but he couldn't satiate his curiosity on his own.

“What is this?”

“Hm? Oh --” Ash reduced the volume, spinning around in his seat. 

“Miss Pooja is one of my favorite Desi singers. She’s great.”

Gabriel was still bopping around to the music, albeit in a subtle way. The calmness in his expression was proof that he was enjoying himself. Seeing Gabriel like that was a rare sight, not that Ash was aware of that. It wasn't often that Gabriel had even part of his guard down. He almost always maintained the tough captain image. There was a certain image Gabriel felt the need to maintain, even if it was a version of himself he no longer recognized. 

Ash picked several more songs, each of which piqued Gabriel’s interest. The developing playlist provided some insight into his new chief of security. Gabriel appreciated the opportunity to get to know Ash as a person before knowing him as an officer. Gabriel often hesitated with his crew, working hard to not be too personal. In this moment and with this person, the captain decided it was okay to be himself. If Gabriel was honest with himself, he needed a friend. Or someone close to a friend. Ash seemed open enough to being one... at least for the ride home. And that would be enough.

Gabriel sat next to his pilot, looking over to him with the smallest amount of happiness. 

“May I?” he asked, motioning above them to the speakers. 

“Sure, sir” Ash replied, his curiosity clear in his tone. 

“You seem to like music to dance to. You might like this. Computer -- [_tocar Corazon Espinado de Santana y Maná, por favor_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6omUxqhG78).”

“ _Admitido. Recuperando archivos solicitados_.”

The slip into Spanish had been accidental, but Gabriel didn’t let himself be bothered it. The words felt familiar to his tongue, and the comfort continued to grow as the piano and electric guitar began to play. Gabriel didn’t let himself smile, but there was peace in his expression, and that communicated enough. 

Ash wasn’t sure what he had expected. He didn’t know the computer could -- or would -- respond to a request in Spanish. Nor did he know that the captain was fluent. Santana was a name he’d heard before, but he couldn’t have named a song if anyone asked him. Ash entered in commands to his station, but he continued to tap his toe to the beat, this one slower than before. 

For the rest of their journey, there was an unspoken agreement to alternate song requests to the computer. Between Ash and his captain, they spanned the entirety of Earth and a few worlds beyond in search of entertainment. Neither of the men dared to have a conversation, a shared fear that it would somehow ruin the moment. Ash nor Gabriel seemed to mind, the agreement made through a shared gaze alone. 

As the shuttle neared Discovery, the captain found himself not wanting to arrive. There were a lot of unknowns ahead, and the endless churning in his stomach added to his uneasiness. Gabriel hadn’t expected to have such a pleasant experience with his security chief, but here they were: at ease. Landing procedures began and the music ended, making their shuttle feel uncomfortably empty. Ash’s expression of calm remained as he spoke with ops on Discovery, confirming their landing and the arrival.

Meanwhile, Gabriel picked up his bag. His stoic expression did nothing to express the nervousness pounding around inside his chest. 

Well… here we go.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel gets to see Katrina, get called out on his shit, and remembers that adjusting to anything new is hard. Also, Ash has pets and decides to be a sweetheart.

USS  _ Discovery _

Shuttle Bay 1

1400

* * *

The admiral stood alone in the shuttle bay, having decided it would be best to not have a receiving line when Gabriel arrived. Being alone also meant she could be nervous and not feel self-conscious about it. Letting Gabriel come back was a risk. A big risk. But she fought for him because Katrina knew he needed a purpose. As a once-was captain, she knew nothing would compare to having a ship again. Gabriel Lorca was at home in the captain’s chair, and being back might do him good.

As the hatch to the shuttle opened, the admiral’s posture stiffened, somehow being at attention at ease all at once. 

“Captain -- it’s nice to see you back on your feet.”

“Thanks, Admiral. No welcoming committee?”

“I thought we should save that for later. I had a feeling you didn’t want to be under the spotlight.”

“You’re damn right.”

The two shook hands, holding one another for a beat longer than was customary. If Katrina had her way, she would have given Gabriel a hug, but she knew he would consider that inappropriate. In private, she could offer him that kind of support. Eventually. 

“I assume the trip was smooth?”

“Very. Lieutenant Tyler is an exceptional pilot -- and good company.”

Gabriel glanced over his shoulder, noticing a wave from Ash as he finished his landing procedures. The captain nodded in return. Gabriel did his best to hold onto the positive feelings he was swimming in only moments before. 

“He’s one of the best on board. I had a feeling you two would get along. Do you have a minute to talk?”

Gabriel scoffed, giving the admiral a bemused look. 

“You think I have much else to do?”

“Hey--” there was a laugh from the admiral, and a playful pat to his shoulder. “I was giving you the opportunity to bail… but I assume you want to get to work.”

“Might as well, since I’m here. I’ll settle into my quarters after you brief me because this --” he held the padd at eye level, shaking his head “-- is ridiculous.”

Gabriel turned upon hearing footsteps behind him; Ash was exiting the shuttle, the two remaining tea bottles in his hands. He offered one to the admiral with a wide smile. 

“I told you, sir: I know where the best vending machines are.”

It took a moment for the admiral to make the connection; when she did, she couldn't help but laugh out loud. She’d almost forgotten about the point Ash had made a few days ago. 

“You did. Thank you, Lieutenant. I’ll expect your report.”

“Of course, sir. And captain --” Ash looked to Gabriel then, extending his hand to the other man. Gabriel took it without hesitation. “It was a pleasure to meet you. Thanks for keeping me company. Welcome to  _ Discovery _ .”

Gabriel didn’t have the opportunity to thank Ash before he spun on his heel and left. A long moment of silence took over, Gabriel’s gaze returning to the admiral. His anxiety lessened with Katrina; her familiar face brought about its own kind of calm. The captain followed Admiral Cornwell in stride, noticing the newness of the ship. Gabriel had first thought the shuttle bay was recently renovated, but the  _ whole  _ ship was  _ that  _ shiny.

“So Gabriel” Katrina prodded, her tone much more familiar now that it was just the two of them. She didn’t continue until they were in the turbo lift and the doors closed behind them. 

“Deck 4” she stated, looking toward Gabriel with warmth. “How are you? And don't give me the answer you think I want to hear. I mean the real one.”

“Uh” he sighed, shrugging. “I’m doing okay. I have my good days and my not as good days. I’m fine.”

“You don’t think it was too soon to come back? A lot has happened while you were gone... I don’t want you to get lost in it all. After going through what you did, it takes a lot of time to --”

“We’re starting this  _ already _ ?” his tone was sharp, anger clenching his jaw. “Computer,  **halt** .” The turbolift lurched to a standstill, drenching the interior in dark blue light.

“Dr. Zahra cleared me for duty and immediate assignment. I haven’t even been able to get on the bridge yet and you’re already doubting me? Kat, you wouldn't have thought twice before this happened -- you can't tell me you would have. Why the overprotective play. You doubt me? You don’t trust me?"

"You know I trust you." She sighed, taking a slow breath to steady herself. “And no, I wouldn’t have doubted you. I  _ don’t  _ doubt you. I just don’t want you to damage yourself any more than someone else already has.”

As quick as the anger had arrived, it disappeared. There was heat in Gabriel’s cheeks, and he found himself sucking in air like he’d never breathed before. It took a moment for the captain to steady himself before speaking. Not that Gabriel would admit it, but he felt a twinge of embarrassment at his outburst. He was thankful that it had been with Katrina and not someone else.

“Computer -- resume.”

The blue lights shifted back to white, and the lift lurched back to life without a sound. The silence between the two of them swelled, making the turbolift feel even smaller. Gabriel wasn’t one to apologize first, but he was definitely tempted. He glanced at the admiral, noting how her forehead and brows were creased with concern. 

“I know you didn’t mean that... you’re adjusting to a lot right now. I understand that. But if you can’t take me asking a question, I’m concerned at how your patience will be on the bridge.”

The doors opened, but Gabriel didn’t move to leave. He looked at Katrina intently, his expression trying to convey too many feelings at once. 

“I can have patience for a navigator asking me questions. I can have patience when I need to walk someone through a manual weapons' lock after the targeting system breaks down. What I  _ don’t  _ have patience for is someone who knows me  **poking** and asking  **questions** **_only_ ** to see what I’ll do. I know you know about this stuff, Kat, but it doesn’t mean you get to therapize me. I’ve had damn well enough of that.”

After taking a few settling breaths, the admiral walked out of the lift and Gabriel followed suit. Despite his outburst, Katrina hadn’t asked him to leave -- which was unexpected, but Gabriel was thankful. They turned several corners and ended up at a door labeled  _ Captain’s Quarters _ . Before Gabriel could even speak, the admiral interrupted him with a single gesture. Kat still had a warm tone to her voice, a soft smile on her lips.

“The reports you  _ expected  _ are on the desk inside. I also left you a bottle of ‘76. It’s been a while since you had any, I thought you might appreciate something familiar.” Kat gently took his arm, her thumb rubbing back and forth. “Take the rest of the day to rest, read up on what you have the energy for. The daily briefing is at oh-eight-hundred in the conference room tomorrow morning. I’ll see you there.”

Gabriel was left dumbfounded at the door, but he felt a large wave of relief. He didn’t realize how wound up he was until his shoulders sunk further away from his ears. Katrina noticed and gave Gabriel’s shoulder a squeeze. 

“If you want to talk -- not therapizing, not assessing, just talking -- feel free to comm. I’ll be around.”

“Thanks, Kat. I appreciate it.”

“I mean it, Gabriel. Any time.”

“I know you do. I’ll reach out if I need it.”

Katrina gave his shoulder one more squeeze before wrapping her arms around him in a close hug. Gabriel was stiff at first, but sunk into the touch and felt an overwhelming sense of calm. It pained him when Kat backed away, but he masked the feeling with a half-smile. Katrina waved and flashed a smile before turning down the corridor and back to the turbolift. The captain stared at the door, the name plate appearing shiny and new.  _ It didn't feel like his _ . Gabriel punched his ID number in the keypad and stepped inside, relieved when the doors closed behind him. 

This was one of the first times he had privacy in over a year... and it felt good.

Despite the joy of having his own space, the room felt bare. Only the necessities were there, and the items that were provided and replenished. The walls were bare and the overall color scheme was grey. Not exactly welcoming he thought to himself, setting his bag on the bed and sitting beside it. The past two days felt like a lifetime of their own; there was no avoiding the nerves dancing around in his stomach. Gabriel knew he could get back into the swing of things, that the captain’s chair would feel familiar. 

_ I haven’t lost who I am. I’m still Gabriel Lorca: a strong captain, commander, and soldier. _

**_I haven’t lost who I am._ **

* * *

USS  _ Discovery _

Deck 5: Crew Quarters

Ash completed his report and sent it to the admiral, eager to get back to his quarters. He took long strides down the corridor, arriving at his door in short order. The doors hissed as they opened and closed, the sound followed by an insistent  _ mmmmrow _ .

“Hi, Amadeus. Yeah, I missed you too.”

The lanky black cat rubbed against Ash’s shins, continuing a chorus of meows, chirps, and a sound that could only be considered a soft honk. Ash scooped up Amadeus, who did not wait to headbutt Ash’s cheek several times, making up for how long his person had been away. 

“I know, I was gone for a bit. Tilly came to see you, right?”

_ A soft honk _ .

“Yeah, I know. You like her because she gives you too many treats.”

_ An insistent honk. _

“My apologies, I know: there’s no such thing as too many.”

Their conversation was interrupted by loud, excited trilling. A chocolate brown ball of fur the size of an American football rolled from their hiding spot under the couch and straight into Ash’s boot. The large tribble continued their excited chatter until Ash gave them scritches. Those made the small creature relax, making bird-like cooing noises.

“I didn’t forget about you -- hey, Kiwi.” 

Ash carried Amadeus and the tribble to his bedroom. Amadeus jumped from Ash’s lap to the bed, choosing a spot near the pillows to curl into a circle. Kiwi landed directly in the middle of a pillow, moving in excited circles before rolling off the bed and off to explore. Ash stripped off his uniform, hanging up the tunic and pants in favor of soft, cotton pajama pants that sat low on his hips. After a moment’s consideration, Ash tossed his undershirt back in his drawer. He abandoned the idea of wearing it altogether. Happily, flopped down onto the bed, the cool sheets were refreshing against his skin. He stretched out and groaned, limbs sprawled out like a starfish. The familiar smell of his bedding eased the ever-present tension in his back, every breath bringing him closer to comfort. 

As his thoughts settled down for the evening, Ash couldn’t help but wonder how the captain was doing. It was a fleeting thought; after spending almost a day and a half with him, the lieutenant had grown to like him. Several people had warned him that Lorca was a hard ass, he was grumpy, and all-around unpleasant. It was amusing to Ash to think back on those warnings because he hadn’t seen that at all. Ash wasn’t about to invite the captain over for dinner or anything, but there wasn’t much to say about him that was negative. 

_ Plus, he’s adjusting to a lot. He has every right to be snippy for a while _ he thought to himself. He looked back at the nervousness in the admiral's face during her briefing with him. Even with so little detail provided, Ash had a feeling he understood Lorca’s situation better than most of the others on board. Definitely more than the rest of the senior staff. 

Adjusting was hard, and Ash remembered how difficult it had been for him at first. Having others to be around who he knew and could trust had been a comfort. The foreignness of his quarters upon his return was vivid in his memory. The space felt cold, unfamiliar, and uninviting. It had been nothing but an empty room when he got to it, and it didn’t feel right to be there. Ash had felt that way for several months, gathering items here and there to make the room his own. It took time.

While thinking about those first few months, and Amadeus sneaking under his arm to snuggle, Ash had an idea. It was a simple thing, but the longer he thought about it, the more Ash liked it. He hoped it would make a difference for the captain and not seem inappropriate. It didn’t feel like something that would cross a line, so Ash decided to take action on his idea…

_ Tomorrow _ .

For now, he shifted around so he could get under the blankets, kicking off his pajama pants and curling up with Amadeus. Right now, Ash needed rest. Tomorrow, he would begin his mission of helping the captain feel a little more human. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and constructive criticism, or any other comments! There is no limit to the amount of shenanigans that may ensue. Or the sin. Just wait and see.


End file.
